As with any sexual activity, it’s important to have clear communication and consent before attempting anal play. This includes deciding who wants to have anal sex, how and where, and whether it’s a one-time thing or something they want to do regularly.
Since the anus doesn’t create its own lubrication, using plenty of water-based lube is key. And foreplay is essential.
Wear a tight condom
Using a barrier, such as a condom, finger cot, dental dam or a lubricant, dramatically reduces the risk of STIs. Always use a new barrier when switching from anal to vaginal or oral play, and change your barrier after every sexual encounter to prevent infection and bacterial irritation.
It’s also important to have a clear discussion with your partner about anal sex beforehand, as some people can get very anxious about it, which could tighten up the sphincter and make anal sex uncomfortable. This is especially important for couples who are new to anal play, or with a new partner.
It is also a good idea to use plenty of lubricant during anal pleasure, as the anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina. Lube can reduce friction and tears, and can help make the experience more pleasurable for both partners. It is best to use water-based lube, as oil-based lubricants can cause condoms to break. It’s also a good idea to take a few moments to breathe deeply and relax before starting. Doing so will increase pleasure and decrease anxiety.
Use plenty and quality lubrication
If you’re going all the way into someone’s anus, or even if you’re just using toys to explore it, be sure to use plenty of lube. This helps reduce friction and makes penetration more pleasurable for both partners. It also protects against a sore, inflamed anus or a tear. The anus is a sensitive part of the body and, like the rectum, can be at risk for STI transmission.
A lot of people try DIY lubes, like olive oil and coconut oil, but these can actually cause pain and burn. Plus, they are difficult to clean up and can leave residue on skin and bedding. A water-based lubricant is best for anal play.
To make anal foreplay even more pleasurable, start with a warmup with your hands. Try fingerpadding, a no-penetration move in which you pet the anus on its surface with the pads of your fingers; tipping, which involves gently inserting your fingertips into the anal to give it a spin; and Pleasing, in which you use full-finger insertion for a come-hither sensation.
Relax and have some wine
Anal sex can be uncomfortable for the receiver. This is because the rectum has a lot of nerve endings that produce sensations when stimulated. The key to anal play is foreplay. For example, rubbing the cheeks, stretching them apart, pushing the anus out and pouting it—all of which can be incredibly horny—can set the stage for the penetrator to begin anal penetration.
If you’re the person doing the penetration, lube the anus and take your time. Be aware that the tissue around the anus is delicate and may tear if you go too fast or apply too much pressure.
During anal sex, it is also important to communicate with your partner about positions, angles and speeds so that you both can discover what turns you on. It’s okay to be nervous about anal sex and it’s fine to stick with vaginal sex if that turns you on more. But if you’re both into anal sex, it’s a great way to explore a new erogenous zone and have a different sexual experience. Just make sure you use condoms and lubricant to reduce the risk of infection.
Listen and feel your partner
Having anal sex can be enjoyable for both partners if everyone involved is comfortable with the process and has clear communication about what feels good and what doesn’t. “In the end, it’s all about establishing open communication and being clear with your partner about your expectations and desires,” says sex expert Tia Evagelou.
Using plenty of lubricant and starting with smaller toys or fingers to warm up the muscles before moving on to the anus can also help both partners feel more relaxed. “You can even try stimulating your partner’s anal opening without putting anything in there,” suggests sexpert Gigi Engle for Womanizer. The anus has nerves that can be stimulated by licking and massaging the area.
If you find that anal sex isn’t pleasurable for either of you, it might be helpful to try adding in some dominance and submission play. This might not work for everyone, but many couples find that anal sex becomes much more pleasurable when they experiment with positions and who is in control. This doesn’t have to be limited to anal sex, though; it can be applied to all sexual activities.
Be patient and do it with ease
If you and your partner both want to try anal sex, it’s best to go slow. Anal is sensitive, and rushing into it can cause pain and even injury. Instead, start with foreplay and stimulating your partner’s anal opening with your hands, fingers, or sex toys. Then, use lubricant and penetrate slowly. If you’re unsure how far to go, ask your partner what they feel like and whether they’re ready for more.
The anus is a rich source of nerves, and stimulating it can give a lot of pleasure. However, you can also get pleasure from simply stroking the area and kneading it. You can also use sex toys, and many couples find that it’s more pleasurable to stimulate each other’s genitals at the same time.
Remember, anal sex isn’t for everyone, and that’s totally fine. If you don’t enjoy it, there are tons of other types of sex to explore that don’t involve your butt. Just make sure to wear a condom, use lots of lube, and be patient to prevent painful accidents.